Contractions?

So, the last couple of days have brought me with what I think are real contractions. My lower back just aches, and it will radiate to my lower front of my stomach. It isn't super painful, but it is uncomfortable. They will be consistent for an hour or two, then stop. Assuming I make it to my Dr. appt Monday, I am wondering if they will check me and see if I have made any progress. I will be very disappointed if I haven't though, and wonder what in the world these stupid contractions are doing!

NYE is tonight. Last year we were at the Husemann's (Cassie and Matt's), and we thought it was going to be our last New Year's as just the two of us. I remember our excitement and anticipation for January 11, our first ultrasound and seeing our baby for the first time and finding out if we were having a boy or girl. I remember posting on facebook about being so excited for 2010 and what the year would bring. It makes me feel nervous about being excited, still, about Brynn being here. I know statistics are with us at this point, but I still can't whole-heartedly believe it until I see it. I woke up last night at like 5am, and couldn't fall back asleep. Insomnia has hit hard the last few weeks. Anyway, my mind begins racing, and thinking things I shouldn't think about-- such as all the things that could possibly go wrong from now until delivery, and reasons why Brynn could not survive. Those of you reading this who have not experienced a loss such as Dan and I have had may think it is dumb and not understand, that is fine. But it is how I feel, and a reality. However, I don't dwell on it. I acknowledge the thoughts... and let it go until they come again. It is reassuring to feel her rolling around trying to break out of my stomach :o) I am sure she is as uncomfortable as I am! I feel bad at night when i try to get comfortable on my side, and I feel her kicking me, since I am sure it squishes her!

As far as NYE plans for tonight, we were supposed to go to the Wild game, but being on bedrest those plans had to change. My mom and dad are going though, so I am excited for them! I hope it is a good game! We are having our neighbors/ friends over tonight, Keri and Matt, for appetizers and company. They have a springer spaniel, Chloe, that Kolby and Maia love, so they will bring her over, too! The dogs then will have fun :)

I am really hoping these contractions I am having progress into the real deal soon! I want to meet Brynn, be off bedrest, and get my body back to myself!! Hope you all have a Happy New Year, and be safe!