Contractions?

So, the last couple of days have brought me with what I think are real contractions. My lower back just aches, and it will radiate to my lower front of my stomach. It isn't super painful, but it is uncomfortable. They will be consistent for an hour or two, then stop. Assuming I make it to my Dr. appt Monday, I am wondering if they will check me and see if I have made any progress. I will be very disappointed if I haven't though, and wonder what in the world these stupid contractions are doing!

NYE is tonight. Last year we were at the Husemann's (Cassie and Matt's), and we thought it was going to be our last New Year's as just the two of us. I remember our excitement and anticipation for January 11, our first ultrasound and seeing our baby for the first time and finding out if we were having a boy or girl. I remember posting on facebook about being so excited for 2010 and what the year would bring. It makes me feel nervous about being excited, still, about Brynn being here. I know statistics are with us at this point, but I still can't whole-heartedly believe it until I see it. I woke up last night at like 5am, and couldn't fall back asleep. Insomnia has hit hard the last few weeks. Anyway, my mind begins racing, and thinking things I shouldn't think about-- such as all the things that could possibly go wrong from now until delivery, and reasons why Brynn could not survive. Those of you reading this who have not experienced a loss such as Dan and I have had may think it is dumb and not understand, that is fine. But it is how I feel, and a reality. However, I don't dwell on it. I acknowledge the thoughts... and let it go until they come again. It is reassuring to feel her rolling around trying to break out of my stomach :o) I am sure she is as uncomfortable as I am! I feel bad at night when i try to get comfortable on my side, and I feel her kicking me, since I am sure it squishes her!

As far as NYE plans for tonight, we were supposed to go to the Wild game, but being on bedrest those plans had to change. My mom and dad are going though, so I am excited for them! I hope it is a good game! We are having our neighbors/ friends over tonight, Keri and Matt, for appetizers and company. They have a springer spaniel, Chloe, that Kolby and Maia love, so they will bring her over, too! The dogs then will have fun :)

I am really hoping these contractions I am having progress into the real deal soon! I want to meet Brynn, be off bedrest, and get my body back to myself!! Hope you all have a Happy New Year, and be safe!

Another Week, Another Dr. Visit

Saturday marked the beginning of week 3 of bedrest. I know I shouldn't complain, because there are lots of women who are on bedrest a lot longer than I will be, but oh man. It is so not fun! This last weekend, Dan and I celebrated Christmas Eve just the two of us. It actually wasn't so bad. We were both bummed and felt weird about not being around family. Dan made prime rib, cheesy potatoes, and yorkshire pudding. Wowza-- it was amazing. probably the best meal he has ever made me. I even downed a whole bottle of Welchs Sparkling Grape Juice :o) We sat down for dinner, and watched A Christmas Story. Dan and I watch it every Christmas Eve together, we both love the movie.

Dan and I also exchanged gifts on Christmas Eve. I got a new Wild jersey-- since the one I have is their old green one, and a Parrish jersey, and he unfortunatly is long gone. Dan got me the red one, and its Clutterbuck. He is an enforcer, like I am on the soccer field :o)

Christmas Day was really nice. We spent the whole day at my parents with the OK from my doctor. My parents got Dan and I a video camera! SO NICE! We are all prepared now to document Brynn's first year. Hopefully Dan will ge tthe hang of it and we film some cool stuff. Suzie, Steve, and Chris also came over since I couldn't go anywhere, so it was SO good to see them too. It is just so nice being around family. Murphy Christmas was also drama free, and anyone who knows my Irish tempered family, knows that is an accomplishment, so it was just a wonderful day! :o) I sat in the La-Z-Boy recliner all day next to the fire. Maia on my lap, it was wonderful.

Sunday brought a lot of to-dos being crossed off the list. Dan got everything hung on Brynn's wall... laundry put away, bedding washed, swing put together, and the pack 'n play set up in our bedroom all ready for Brynn. Our hospital bag is all set, all we need is a baby! I will post pics of the nursery when Dan gets the glider set up, and it will officially be all done!

Today marekd my appx 37 week appt-- technically not 37 weeks until Wednesday. My blood pressure was ok, at 137/84. Brynn passed her NST and BPP with flying colors. I asked the u/s tech- Jen (our fav one)- if she has hair, and she does, a ton! It was so cool to see. Because my blood pressure is not super high, and no protein in urine, it doesn't sound like as of now I will be induced before 39 weeks. I have mixed feelings, after having a loss, I just want her here. I know not a lot of people understand that, and say she should stay in as long as possible, and I know that. However, I just want her in my arms, and to know I will bring her home. We are looking at an induction to help with that, and my anxiety. I don't want to have her on the same day I had Elizabeth.

Let's see.... other than that, not much. I am enjoying Dan being done with school probably as much as he is. Having home cooked meals has been so wonderful. Tonight, polish and potatoes!

Pain...

Seriously. I don't know if it is because Brynn is sitting so low and has dropped, but any time I move my legs, let alone walk, I am not sore, I am in pain! It takes such an effort to change positions. It feels like someone beat the crap out of my pelvis, or if I must say it, crotch. The things we women go through. I know it is all worth it, but have been having greater and greater anxiety as we get closer... afraid something is going to go wrong. I just want her here to know we actually are going to take a healthy baby home.

As far as bedrest goes, it sucks. The only good thing about it is honestly, I can't imagine working and being as uncomfrtable and in as much pain as I am in. But the idea of bed rest might sound nice to some people.... but let me tell you... not being able to do anything while being at home, is not fun. There is so much I wish I could do, and can't. It really, really stinks. My appt on Monday apparently showed nothing of concern. NST and BPP went well... they didn't tell me a score or anything, but then again, the nurse I had is my least favorite one at the clinic. I did get permission to go to my mom's for Christmas Day, as long as I lay down and get waited on... I think the fact my blood pressure had dropped to 138/84 helped with that.

I have been really emotional this week... whether it is due to the bedrest, pregnancy, the idea of being a mom and a baby being on the way... I don't know. I just have so many emotions. I think not knowing when she will be here adds to the stress to!

Hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas.

Brynn could be here in two weeks!

35 weeks today, and I am on day 5 of bedrest. I am getting really antsy. I know all the stuff that needs to be done around the house before Brynn gets here, and I can't do it! I hate having to rely on other people for most things. During the day, I am alone, so I have no one to help get me things/ let the dogs out... so I hope that is ok.

I haven't posted about my Dr. appt on Monday morning, so why don't I begin there. I was very anxious Sunday night about my appt. I was wondering if I would have the ultrasound we were supposed to have, if I would have lower blood pressure, if I was going to be going back to work. My appt started off with getting my weight and blood pressure. I actually had lost 2 pounds since Friday. My blood pressure though was even higher than it was Friday- 177/94. Kind of scary. After that, I met with my nurse, discussed how I have been feeling, and weighted for the u/s tech to bring me into the u/s room. I thought I was just having a growth ultrasound, to see how big she was... but it ended up being that I was getting a biophysical profile done. I guess they watch her movements and practice breathing as well. She was measuring 5 lbs 14 oz, and super active!

After my scan, the second part of the testing was the non-stress test. I had this done a couple of weeks ago when I went in because I was not feeling her move as much, so I knew what to expect. Again, I just had no idea I was having it done today. Apparently, they give baby a score based on the outcome of the biophysical profile (BPP) and the non-stress test (NST). So, I laid down, they put the monitors on my tummy, and just record her heart rate over the course of a half hour. What they look for is a certain amount of spikes in her heart rate while she is moving to show she is getting enough oxygen and blood from the placenta. The nurse also took my blood pressure again after I had been laying down for about an hour, and went down to 131/77. The nurse left the room and Dan just said, well, I guess you will be put on bed rest. He made that prediction just by seeing how much my blood pressure went down after laying down for a while.

After the NST was done, the nurse came back in and said Baby looked great! So she said she was going to send the Dr. in to discuss results and our plan. Dr. Ahnaya was the Dr. on duty. He told me the baby gets a scored based on the tests, and they say she needs to score a 6/10 in order to stay cooking in me. Brynn scored a 10/10, so that was very good! So for now, he said that she is better off in me then out, and the high blood pressure is for now only affecting me, and not the baby. He then told Dan and I that he would be surprised if I carried her past 37 weeks. This would put us at the week after Christmas! 2 weeks from today! He then went on to explain to me that I would be on strict bedrest til delivery.... no working, no cleaning, nothing.

Dan and I are very confident in the care we are getting at the perinatal clinic at United. I am still worried about something happening to Brynn, and us not bringing her home, but trying not to dwell on it. The more active she is, the more uncomfortable I am.... but confident she is ok. When she isn't as active, I get really worried.

Dan is done with grad school tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe it and am so excited. We will have a life again! Unfortunalty we wont be able to take advantage of getting out in the next two weeks.... but can stay curled up at home on the couch while he is taking care of me :) On the to do list this weekend is getting our hospital bag packed, getting the dresser put together, washing the baby clothes, and putting the car seat in the car. I want the hospital bad and car seat ready, because on Monday when I go in for my next test, there is a possibility that I be induced then. We wont know! For now, I am going to be going in once a week to get checked on and to go through those tests. Thanks to everyone who has been so generous to us already! We have some of the best friends and family!!

Bedrest?

Well, I ended up going into the Dr. on Friday after work. I had been feeling nauseous all week, had headaches on and off, and just put it off to getting a cold. Well, Thursday night, I was as swollen as I have ever been. I just figured I would go to sleep, wake up, and it would be down like it normally is. Friday morning, it did go down, but was still swollen. I didn't think much of it, and headed off to work.

I was showing a video in class on Friday,so I knew I would be able to sit down all day. By lunch, my hands were like what I like to call The Nutty Professor hands (if you have seen that movie)., and my feet/ ankles were ginormous. My face was even super swollen, I could just feel it. I knew I had a Dr.appt scheduled for this Wed., but thought I maybe should call in just to see if they wanted me to come in before then.

I called up the office, and talked to a nurse. She asked me my symptoms and I just told her about my swelling. She then asked about other symptoms such as nausea... and it all clicked. Yes, nausea, headaches, swelling, had it all. She said she definitely wanted me to come in after work to get my blood pressure checked and have some other tests done. I knew my blood pressure had been going up, and I had some periods of rapid weight gain, so pre-eclampsia was on my mind.

I got into the clinic and they were so quick. Got me in, checked my weight and blood pressure. I had gained 3 lbs since the last time I was in, and my blood pressure was 144/92! My urine test came back with no protein in it though, which was good. We then were just waiting for my blood tests to come back-- they checked my platelette level and liver enzymes.

While we were waiting for those results, the nurse told me what may happen based on the results. I may be allowed to go home, no restrictions. I may be able to go home, but on bedrest, I may have to stay in the hospital, and they may want to take the baby out ASAP. As we waited, I got to see Brynn, she is head down--yay! She was super active like she usually is. I laid in the OB room waiting for Dr. Mills to come in and tell me what the plan is. When she came in, she kept saying "If we let you go home today..." I was worried I would be spending the night in the hospital.

Finally, the results were done and my blood tests came back in the normal range. This meant I was allowed to go home, but on strict bedrest. Blah. They said I was to come back first thing Monday morning, get rechecked, and they will decide then if I can go back to work. Since I had an ultrasound and OB check scheduled for Wed., I asked if I could just do all that when I came in on Monday. OB, no problem. They scheduled me for the ultrasound, and I am first in line, however, if someone has an emergency and needs one, they get priority. I am hoping we are a go, and have our last big ultrasound tomorrow!

SO I am anxious for tomorrow, not worried anxious really, but just want to know where we are at with my health, and anxious about whether or not we will get to have our ultrasound. I will update as soon as I can. I am a bit concerned, just because I am still swollen, have had headaches, and felt nauseous this weekend despite taking it easy-- so we shall see!

34 Weeks

Well to start off, Birth Class. That hit me a lot harder than I thought it would emotionally. We were fine.... I was fine... UNTIL we had to watch the labor and birth video. When the mother in the video delivered her baby and she was put on her chest, I lost it. My only experience with natural childbirth was delivering my baby and her not being alive. It was a very sad, depressing memory. Not a joyful one. I walked out of the classroom, burst into tears, and sat in the bathroom until I could pull myself together. I was not expecting that to happen. On top of that, everyone in the room is a first time parent... innocent... and I just kind of felt out of place. We headed to lunch at Cosetta's, and that was nice, and we had the afternoon to look forward to.

In the afternoon, we had the tour of the birth center. This was not a new place for us, since we delivered Elizabeth there, and my clinic is right there too. I was nervous about how I would feel since the last time we were there was when we delivered. Sure enough, we walk past the room she was born in, and I literally lost my breath. I could not catch it. I fought back tears so hard since we were in a group setting, and pulled myself together. It felt so surreal. Our tour finished looking at the nursery and seeing all the newborns... and that made me emotional just wanting so bad to have Brynn here and healthy. I can't wait!

Dan and I have one more class tomorrow... on Breastfeeding. I want him to come so he understands how much work it is going to entail, and how difficult it can be. I am glad he is willing to come with me for support.

Onto pregnancy! Holy indegestion. I went to chipotle last night, stuffed my face, and paid for it. I woke up at 3 am feeling like I had food sitting in my throat, heartburn, and felt miserable. I couldn't lay down. I ended up not falling back asleep until at least 4:30, needing to wake up at 5:30. When I woke up I was so hungry, and felt a little better, but it came back with a vengence. It bothered me ALL DAY. Right now I just have heartburn...hope that goes away.

I am also so sick of people asking "How much longer?" and me responding January and their response being "Whoa. You still have that long to go??" IT IS NOT THAT LONG! SIX WEEKS! I HAVE BEEN THROUGH 34! Thanks for letting me know though how huge I look, like I don't know that already. I know I vented about this in another post, but seriously people. Have some courtesy.

Other than that, Brynn has been kicking the crap out of me today... and it hurts! There isn't that much room and it feels like she is trying to kick and punch herself out. I can't WAIT to not be pregnant, and to have her here with us!