Feeling Baby!

For the last coupe of days... I have thought I had felt the baby. Tonight, I KNOW I did! :) I can't wait until it is more consistent and the baby kicks hard so Dan can feel it!

On a side note, so pumped for Bethenny Getting Married tonight! :)

Just a short update... wanted to share!

PS The stuffed peppers were SO tasty tonight!

Fifteen Weeks

So I gave in and bought a doppler to hear the heartbeat at home... the problem is it really doesn't ease my nerves since I heard the heartbeat alI the time last time, assuming things were ok, later to find out otherwise. So, it is nice, but not enough!

I have to say, I am proud of how well I am handling this pregnancy and the anxiety and stress it is causing. I thought I would be a mess, but I am not as bad as I thought. Dan even says the same thing, and my therapist that I go to that I began seeing right after we lost Elizabeth is so happay with my progress from when I started seeing her in March. I was a MESS when I first went it. I was having panic attacks, not making it into work... I was struggling so much. I feel much more myself.... but obviously still dealing with anxiety over this pregnancy.

I haven't really had any cravings... but wanted stuffed green peppers all of a sudden! SO my mom makes amazing ones, so I went over there today and made a batch! So excited to bake them tomorrow.

How am I feeling.... physically better. Not throwing up everyday anymore... but haven't gained a pound yet, not that I am complaining. I am anxious/ excited for next Friday, and hoping for the best in terms of healthy baby, and finding out the gender on our ultrasound! I just can't wait to make it to teh 20 week mark, getting the news baby is healthy, and beginning a new journey that I didn't get to experience last time...

Made it to the 2nd Trimester!

14 weeks 1 day! Officially into the 2nd trimester, and can tell! Have begun to feel much more myself... besdides the constant peeing and pulling happening in my stomach.

I got back from Chicago on Tuesday night. I spent four days there visitng my sister... and it was very fun because Faith went too! It unfortunatly included me battling with stress/ anxiety over flying, the baby, and Maia being sick... oh and Shannon's driving :) Kidding Shan. I began to freak out again about baby. It had been 3 weeks since I had seen baby and I was getting nervous again. Thankfully I had an appt Wednesday. Appt went well... I even got to see baby!! I found out since it is a high risk clinic and moms there freak out, I will get to see my baby every appt... in the exam rooms they have older ultrasound machines.... and don't even have dopplers! I was so happy! I asked the Dr. specifically if the babys' head looked ok and closed, and she said yes, definitly, and she saw no evidence of bands! This is what I have been worried about lately. The Dr. I saw was one I saw when I delivered Elizabeth. She is so young, and so nice. Anyway, feel better about things. My 16 week ultrasound in on Friday, August 6th.... so hopefully we will find out the sex at that appt!

I finally got my ultrasound picture on the computer frommy 11 week ultrasound, so it is a few weeks old, but I wanted to upload it! I am sorry, but our baby is already so darn cute!!!

Sick, Sick, Sick!

Not much to update as far as the pregnancy goes. At 12w 5d, I am still so sick! Yesterday was horrible. Dan was hungover :) and felt just as crappy, but didn't have all the fun to go along with it the night before! Headache, hungry, but sick to my stomach, but can't eat cause I will throw up... ugh. Such a viscious cycle. I feel so bad complaining about it. I feel guilty. I want this baby so bad, and want he or she to be healthy, and I know there are women out there who would give ANYTHING to be sick because they can't get pregnant... so who am I to complain? I just can't do it. Losing Elizabeth gave me a whole different perspective on pregnancy.

I don't plan on doing any big announcement on facebook. I figure when I see people, they will find out. Otherwise word of mouth. I by no means am trying to hide it. I don't care if people write stuff on my wall in public, I just don't feel the need to post how many weeks I am every week, complain about how sick I am all the time... etc. Right after I lost Elizabeth, these were the hardest things to see, and I just don't want to do that to anyone who is/ has recently struggled with pregnancy complications. I may post when we find out if it is a boy/ girl... and of course when the little one is born! :o)

I am heading to Chicago to see Shannon next weekend. I am so pumped! Happy Monday, and hope you all have a good week!

Meat...no thanks.

If I was having cravings... that would be helpful. Unfortunatly, only food aversions. This makes it difficult to eat! I also think it is why I haven't gained a pound yet. I am hungry a lot, but nothing sounds good!

When pregnant with Elizabeth, I didn't want meat either. However, it is even stronger this time. I feel like a vegetarian. I tried eating a burger Dan made and I got sick. No meat for me. One of my favorite new veggie meals is a chipotle burrito, with all the good stuff, and no chicken. My other crutch is Ego waffles. I have had 24 in the last week!! Haha. I only have 2 left so I am going to have to get to the store so I have some food to eat!

I went to watch my Mankato summer team play last night. This is the first time I haven't played summer soccer since I was 5! Isn't that crazy?? It made me miss it. It was so good to see everyone, and share some happy news finally, and explain why I am not playing this summer. I am not gonna lie though, the more peole find out, the scarier it makes this. The idea of going through what we went through again is horrible.

I spent the day at my parents today. Let the dogs run around and hung out with Mom, Dad, and Faith. I decided to go into the pool with Faith, and Kolby and Maia didn't like it. They are such momma's girls... and Kolby loves water. I wasn't worried about Maia jumping in, but Kolby... yes. When I was least expecting it, Kolby jumped from the ground, up and over the side of the pool into the pool! What a stinker! In the process of trying to get her out, she scratched my face and mouth. So apparently I can't go swimming when she is over there!

Hopefully I can find something to eat for dinner tonight....

NT Scan Reults!!

Yay for good news!! Mary Ann, our genetic counselor, just called me with the results of our NT scan. They look at hormones in my blood as well as babys measurement and give me odds of our baby having Down Syndrome and Trisomny 18. Just using my age alone, odds are 1:700... so low. Adding the measurements and blood work, babys odds are 1:6400 for Down Syndrome and 1:10,000 for Trisomny 18!!! I called Dan SOBBING after I got off the phone, and he was scared for a second... but I told him right away I have good news!! I am beginning to actually think that we are going to really have a baby in january. It is so hard to explain what this feels like.... I haven't been this happy in a really long time.

Just had to update!!!

Nervous and Butterflies.... So Strange

As I begin to write this post, my stomach just flipped and I have butterflies. It is a very strange feeling. Why? Because I am nervous to officially put it out there that.... we are expecting again. Wow. I feel like once this is published, it is really official. We have kept it pretty secret for the last 11 weeks... besides our immediate family. I have so wanted to blog about my feelings over the last couple of months, but didn't want to make it that public. I have a feeling this is going to be a long post, so just bare with me! :)

Let me begin by saying we found out on my mom's birthday, May 8th. Instead of being instantly excited, I called my mom sobbing, convinced already something wasn't right. I had taken tests for the previous week, all were negative, now a positive one... I was so scared. I finally calmed down... for a while. I called the Drs office on that Monday and got my 1st appt scheduled.

Jumping to my first appt, I am going to the Perinatal Clinc at United Hospital this pregnancy. You need to be considered high risk, or already a patient by referral to go there. This is where I was referred to when we lost Elizabeth, and they welcomed me back with open arms. I am so thrilled, because they are so understanding and are watching me so closely. My first appt I was about 7.5 weeks. We had an u/s and they gave me my official due date of Jan 19, 2011. Elizabeth was born Jan 16... so strange how close this will be, and what a weird time of year it will be. Anyway, of course my biggest fear was that the baby would not have a heartbeat, or baby would be developing outside my uterus. I was scared to death. I was so relieved to see not only my baby, but babys heartbeat at a strong 148 bpm! I couldn't believe it, and tears of joy came. We even got to hear it! :) We then went on to meet with the doctor and nurse to go over ALL my medical history, got my blood drawn... and ask any and all questions I had. My biggest concern was if I am for some reason pre-disposed to having these bands break and harm my baby. The Dr. ASSURED me it was a complete freak thing, and should not happen again. He is not worried about it, but said he knows I am, and they will do whatvever they need to do to help ease my nerves. Wow. What a great place to be. After a long morning, and a bit relieved, we were on our way.

After the appt, the next couple of weeks were pretty blah... which was good. Nausea and morning sickness kicked in full force right before we left for San Diego... OF COURSE! So that was no fun. It is ALL DAY sickness this time around, but so worth it if it means i will be holding a healthy little baby in 6 months!

So symptoms during the first tri: Nausea/sickness, seriously, rediculously huge boobs... haha, food aversions (meat again), no cravings.... and that is pretty much it. I haven't been super tired, which has been nice...but also not working so that helps I think too.

So, my 2nd appt was on June 30, this last Wednesday. We went in for our NT scan... which is a 1st trimester screen for chromosomal abnormalitles such as down syndrome and trisomy 18. They measure the nuchal fold-- the amt of liquid in it-- in an ultrasound, and draw my blood. There were no red flags on the ultrasound, but we still are waiting for our blood results (supposed to have by Tues.). I am definitly anxious waiting on those, but am trying to remind myself that despite our past, statistics are with us... but prayers are always appreciated! Needless to say, I was scared to death. I got no sleep Tuesday night, having flashbacks on my ultrasound with Elizabeth when we found out everything... horrible. Thank goodness we saw baby and babys heartbeat.... 176 bpm this time! Just SO anxious for the blood results...

I just can't stress enough how much we cannot take healthy children for granted. It is such a blessing. What an amazing gift God has given us. I continue to have faith that God will bless Dan and I with a beautiful healthy baby.