Three Months

I cannot believe tomorrow marks 3 months since Brynn was born. Everyone warned me about how fast it goes so make sure I enjoy it... and boy they weren't kidding! How come pregnancy doesn't go this fast??

So what milestones have we met? Well Brynn has been a drooling machine.. so we have been wearing bibs everyday to keep her clothes dry. She consistently can put her hands in her mouth. She is just loving her play mat. She stares at herself in the mirror and reaches for her toys. When I had her on her belly this week... she was tipping... so who knows when rolling over will happen!

Brynn also likes being in her bouncer. It is a baby einstein one... and she is a little small for it yet... but she is so strong and like to be in it for a while.


When Brynn hit 12 weeks, she really went through a fussy stage. I was worried about how long it would last, but she seems to be back to her cheerful self... smiling and talking to me and Dan :o) The sounds she makes is so cute. It really sounds as though she is trying to talk to us. When she sleeps, she really likes a soft blanket being against her face. That is cute, too.

As far as daycare goes... we discovered some of the people we were looking into were not going to work for Brynn. Without getting into details... I was already getting stressed. Finding someone who would hold a spot for an infant until September was going to be tough. Finding someone with an infant spot available period was tough. It seemed as though everyone I talked to had a current mother who was expecting so they would be filling an infant vacancy. Well, Dan and I are so blessed, my friend Kelsey is going to watch Brynn this fall when I go back to work. I can't think of anyone else I would trust as much as her with our baby (besides family)! I am excited to spend time with her and her kiddos along with Brynn this summer. I just know Brynn will love her, too.

Not mcuh going on this week.... probably a lot of cleaning, and maybe a little shopping :o)

God Heals

Ok... be prepared for another sentimental post, it is also very personal. :)

Dan and I really like our priest at our new church. We feel so at home, and we both enjoy going to church each week. We went to mass this weekend, and I always look forward to Father's sermons. He has a way of keeping you interested. Anyway, this week, his sermon was about blame. Blaming others-- blaming God for all the bad things that happen in life. Blaming Him for Family and children who have cancer, devastating earthquakes, tsunamis, losing a child at birth... why would God allow such horrible things to happen? If I had a nickel for everytime I have said that statement over the last 5 years... I would be rich. Why did my dad have to have cancer? Why did his chemo not work? Why did my 11 month old puppy get killed the same weekend my dad was admitted into the hospital for his stem cell transplant? Why God, as if we are not going through enough, does my baby not survive and die at birth? The last 5 years just have been hell. Why God, did all of this happen?? Why did YOU allow this to happen? What did I do to deserve this?

We as humans love to blame other people for things. I am guilty of it. I never want to be "at fault". So, over the last 5 years, God has been the easy target to blame when all hell has broken lose. I still believed, but was losing faith. I didn't have much desire to go to church. God allowed all this stuff to happen, I just didn't want to go.

However, God doesn't want us to hurt. He doesn't want us to be in pain. He doesn't make these bad things happen. God's role in it all is healing. Helping me (us) get through all the tough times in life, and knowing I can pray to Him through it all. I didn't have much desire to go to church over the last 4-5 years. So, as Father began talking to us about this and God's role as a healer, it really hit home. I was guilty of blaming God for all of these things that have happened, but hadn't given him much credit for getting me through them. My dad and I are so close now. So much more so than before he was sick. We would not have this relationship if he didn't get sick. God helped our family get though my dad's sickness and hospital stay, even at times I didn't think it was possible. When Bella died, it truly was the most tragic thing I had ever experienced. She was my baby and was ripped away from me. While my dad was in the hospital and Bella was killed, this really was the darkest time in my life. I eventually healed, and got out of that dark time. When I found out Dan and I were going to lose our daughter, again, I was devastated. I had no idea how I was going to get through each day. However, God healed me and allowed us to be blessed with our beautiful daughter Brynn.

So, hopefully through all that babbling, you got my point. It is so easy to blame, especially God, when things go wrong. God doesn't cause these things to happen. He is there to help us heal when they do. It truly is amazing how we can heal. It doesn't mean it is easy to go through those tough times, but knowing God is there while healing from it, is a comforting feeling.

Baby Friends!

Well this week we had a lot going on. It has kept me and Brynnie busy during the day. Wednesday we went to my Grandma's for lunch. My Aunt Monica and Mary Jo were there and it is always good to see them :) I know my Grandma really loves the company-- even more since my Grandpa has passed away. My Grandma finished Brynn's quilt! It is so cute. I need to take a picture of it and post it on here. Anyone who was friends with me pre-marriage to Dan knows I had an attachment to my blanket that my Grandma made me :) That thing even came with me throughout college and on all my soccer trips-- haha. I finally decided once Dan and I got married it was time to put it away. It is now in Brynn's closet. I wonder if Brynn will have an attachment to something....

Brynn and I joined an ECFE (Early Childhood Family Education) class through our school district down here. It is on Thursday's for an hour and half and for babies 0-6 months. We had our first class yesterday. There is only one baby boy in the class! All the rest are girls. There is a baby that was only 2 weeks old, and the oldest was the boy, and he was almost 6 months old. It is fun to see all these babies together. I wasn't quite sure what to expect.... but it seems like we will sing to the babies, play with them, read to them, and then have some time to discuss things we have questions about. I am already looking forward to next week's class! I also plan on signing Brynn up for swimming lessons this summer through community education. There is a lot of great opportunities for new moms... it is nice.

Today we are heading out to the Mall of America to have lunch with a couple of friends from work. We are eating at Bubba's... which is always fun since I used to work there. I looked at their menu online last night... and it has gotten a lot more expensive. I am looking forward to it, though. :)

This weekend we have a Wild game, and plan on going to the Sportsman's Show. I also saw the forecast and it looks like on Saturday is supposed to be so nice! I can't wait until everything is green again.

Onto more about Brynn.... routine. She is almost 12 weeks old, and I have the morning routine figured out. She gets up around 7, eats, we play, and then I know she needs a nap by 9 for at least an hour. She then will eat again, play, and then take another nap around 12. From here until the end of the day... it could be anything. I am sure a reason this is the case is because the afternoon is when we go out and about... so it is hard for her to figure out a routine. She goes to bed anywhere from 7-10 pm! SO no consistency, just kind of depends on the day. I am ok with this for right now... I was talking to my friend Kelsey a few weeks ago and I was thinking of trying to really get her into a routine around 6 months. I am hoping then that will help once I go back to work and she has to go to daycare :( Speaking of daycare... we have an interview on Tuesday with a home daycare in SSP. I hope it goes well...

11 Weeks! Discovered Hands...

I can't keep Brynnie's hands out of her mouth :) yesterday I was trying to take come pictures of her and she kept putting her hands in there. Before, they would end up in her mouth every now and then... I think accidentally. Now, she puts them there on purpose! I can't believe she is already 11 weeks old tomorrow...


On Saturday, I went out with a group of friends from college. It was nice. One of my friends, Jodi, asked me how life is different since having a baby. I sat and had to think about that for a second. I know life is a lot different, but how honest did I want to be when asked that question? Everyone talks about how life is different when a baby comes. So how did I answer? I fore-warned them that my answer was going to sound really corny, but I truly meant what I was about to say.

Life, now that I have Brynn, has so much more meaning. Not that life didn't mean anything before she was here, but I wake up every morning excited to see her, and excited to spend time with her. She gives life so much more purpose and it is almost as though I am "reborn" again. It is so fun seeing her grow and seeing things in the world for the first time. I look forward to things that I never thought I would look forward to. I remember before she was here, being worried that I would be sad when she wasn't a baby anymore, and thinking I wasn't going to enjoy her as much when she was like 4-9 years old. I feel embarassed admitting that but I had no idea. Now that she is here, I can't believe I EVER thought that would be the case! I look forward to every phase in her life! Especially those years when she will be a little girl and still love her mama... before the pre-teen and teen years come. Don't get me wrong, it will be hard seeing her grow up and become less dependant on me, but I will so enjoy it at the same time.

It is funny how pregnancy quickly becomes a distant memory. Last night, I told Dan "Let's start trying for a second!" haha. I was kidding... but we had talked about spacing our kids 3 years apart... but I am thinking more like 2. Just a month ago I was telling him maybe I am so content with her as an only child (I knew that feeling would change). Now, I am wondering if I want 3! I know we have a lot of time, but time will tell. It is funny how those thoughts are already coming into my head. But for now, I am completely soaking up everything about Brynn.

Anniversary Weekend in Duluth

Well, we survived a weekend away with a 2 month old! We are so lucky Brynn is such a good baby. Friday night we had dinner at Pickwick. It was Friday (and lent), so we each had seafood. I had a crab po boy.... it was so good! Dan had a dish that had mussels, crab, squid... a mish mesh of seafood. He loved it! Brynn was good through dinner. She didn't cry, but didn't really sleept either. I am getting really good at eating with one hand!

One thing that you need to realize is Dan and I LOVE eating... specifically when we go out of town. We both look forward to trying new restaurants and food. So, when we go to Duluth, we look forward to eating out :) After dinner, we went back to the hotel and went to bed. Brynn slept very well-- so that was good.

Saturday we slept in a bit, and was out the door around 11. It was sunny and really nice out... probably upper 40s. We went to a a few shops in Canal Park, and then we walked through the Maritime museum. All the times we have been up there, we have never done that. We then had lunch at Little Angie's. Dan and I really like that place... and they have Lake Superior Oatmeal Stout on tap-- a favorite beer of ours. After lunch, we went into more shops. One thing I got pretty good at this weekend was figuring out places to feed Brynn when we are out and about. We found a few nooks and cranies that were quiet and had benches, and was able to feed her. I was very self-concious at first, but feel so much more comfortable with it. With a nursing cover-up and a blanket... it really isn't a big deal.

After we shopped a bit more, we walked back to the hotel. Brynn slept a bit, and Dan and I relaxed. Then, around 6:30-7, Brynn became super fussy!! She started crying and would settle down a little bit, then start screaming again. She gets like that when she is overly tired. We had to call and cancel our reservations at Blackwoods because she wouldn't settle down. Eventually she did, and we had a late dinner at BlackWoods. She slept the whole time! :o)

Sunday's weather was terrible. Rainy, foggy, and cold. Dan and I went out for breakfast in the Fitger building, and did some more shopping! We then headed home around 1 or so.

Onto other things.. Brynn's baptism is going to be on May 15th. I am looking forward to it. Dan is even giving up fishing opener up at Vermillion, so that is a big deal. From now until July, with Easter, Mother's Day, Baptism, Memorial Day weekend, Weddings, I have a feeling time is going to fly. I can't wait for Shannon's wedding, it is going to be such a good time.

Tomorrow I am going to treatment with my dad at the U. All the nurses hear him talk about me -- when I was pregant-- and Brynn, so I think he is looking forward to showing off his granddaughter. Thursday Brynn and I have a lunch date with Cassie at Big Bowl, so I am looking forward to that, too. Other than that, I hope to get a lot of housework done this week. I can't WAIT until it is warm out, though, and we can hang out at my parents house at the pool.

Well, working out tonight when Dan gets home, last week I over did it :( So hopefully I feel better than I did last time. No Bachelor tonight... and I am really not that excited about this season of Dancing With the Stars. We will see, I might give it a chance. Hope everyone has a good week!

Here are a couple pics of Brynn on St. Patrick's Day!

Celebrating Three Years of Marriage

Another Monday, another week beginning. I continue to feel so blessed that I am able to take so much time off to spend with Brynn. She changes so much so quickly, and am so glad I am here to enjoy that. Lately I have beginning to feel anxious already about going back to work in the fall. I know it is only going to get worse as summer approaches and we get closer to the next school year. I keep putting off making phone calls about daycare. I for some reason thinking that maybe, just maybe, I won't have to. Ha. That is unrealistic, but I can dream.

St. Patrick's Day is this week, and also mine and Dan's 3rd wedding anniversary! (However, we have been together 8 years:0) I am really excited about the gift I got him this year :) I will share after I give it to him. Here is a picture of us on Trunk Bay Beach at our wedding!



On our anniversary night, Dan and I have a baptism class at our church. Brynn will be baptized HOPEFULLY May 15th, however, that is fishing opener weekend... so that is something Dan and I have to figure out. Our other option is June 12th, and that seems so far away. Brynn will be 5 months already. In the Catholic church, they don't have baptisms during Lent, so that is why we have to wait until May. My sister and Dan's brother will be Brynn's Godparents.

Brynn has continued to be a happy baby (for the most part) during the day, and tends to become fussy in the evening... which is too bad for Dan. Around 7pm... it begins. I have began to notice that it seems to be due to her being overly tired. If I am able to rock her to sleep, this helps a lot and she will sleep pretty much the rest of the night. White noise helps a lot too.. so between the vaccuum cleaner and a white noise app on my phone, they have been life savers!

Dan and I have celebrated our anniversary up in Duluth since before we were married... then it was our dating anniversary, now it is our wedding anniversary. We look forward to it every year. Last year when we were up there, I was pretty down in the dumps. It had only been 2 months since we lost Elizabeth, I had a horrible self image of myself, carrying the weight I had gained, with nothing to show for it. When we were up there, the weather was so nice, and I swear, everyone up there had a baby in a stroller. It was really tough on me. I NEVER would have thought that the following year, we would have a beautiful baby joining us to celebrate. I feel so blessed and thankful. I am excited to bring Brynn on her first "trip." I am also looking forward to just a weekend with the 3 of us... no visitors, no dogs, just us 3 as a family! Of course we also look forward to the food :) Blackwoods is a must. Hopefully Brynn will be a good little traveler. I hope it goes smoothly!

Dan and I had been planning on trying to get down to Uruguay this summer, as I have mentioned in other posts. We decided not to go. Dan only would have a week off of work, it takes a whole day of travel, and apparently Montevideo, which is where the embassy is and where we would be staying, doesn't have much for tourists. We would have to take day trips places... with an infant... and that would be hard and spendy. So, for about 4.5 days, we would spend about $4000 alone on airfare, we decided it might not be worth it. SO onto planning another trip for the summer... I will be sure to share when we decide what to do!

I joined Anytime Fitness last week. I have been to the gym 2 times, and plan on going tonight. I am having a hard time with it. 1- I feel so down about myself, looking in the mirrors that they have and seeing all the work I have ahead of me 2- I know what I used to be capcable of. I ran a half marathon 1.5 years ago! I hurt when I try to jog... and it may be something I need to go to the Dr. for. I had complained about pelvic pain during my pregnancy, and it has gotten better since I had Brynn, but it still acts up. I don't think that is normal. If that continues, I don't know how I could play soccer this summer. I am hoping with some strength training and continued exercise, it gets better.

And finally... looking forward to the warm temps this week and getting Brynn out for another walk!!

Here is my favorite picture of Brynn from last week. It was taken 3.11 (Brynn was 2 months!)


Here is a picture of me and Brynn at the Wild game!

Two Months!

Well... as you can see it has been a while since I have updated the blog :) As Brynn is getting older, she is not sleeping as much during the day and is a lot more alert! I am LOVING that... and I take complete advantage of it when she is. I love to play with her and make her giggle. She loves standing up on my lap and looking around. She is so strong! Especially her neck muscles. So, needless to say, while she does sleep during the day, I am trying to get house work done. Today, I decided to take some time and blog! Sometimes I may not get as much done during the day that I would like to... but will I regret that?? No. I would regret not playing with Brynn as much while she is so little.

Brynn will be 2 months on Friday! I can't believe it! She is 8 weeks old today. She had her 2 month appointment yesterday... which brought shots :( She now weighs 11 pounds, and they said 23.5 in long.... I think they measured her wrong. I don't think she is that long. So, she is measuring in the 60th % for weight, and 90th for height (if that measurement was correct). She screamed and cried so hard when she got her shots... I felt so bad. I got teary eyed and maybe one tear fell down my cheek, but I managed to control myself. We came home and just cuddled all afternoon. I was really tired, and she was sleepy, it was perfect.

Onto another subject... dirty diapers. I know a lot of you may not care about them, but one of the purposes of this blog is to document things. If we deicde to have another baby, I can come back here and remind myself of what was "normal." Brynn consistently had a poopy diaper every time I changed her! Recently that has stopped. She has had a couple of big blowouts.. and gone a couple of days without going. I have read that is normal... so I will just keep an eye on that. It truly is amazing how much stuff and noise that little girl can produce. Sometimes when she toots... Dan and I look at eachother wondering if it was her, or whoever was holding her!

On Saturday, Dan, me, and Brynn had our first weekend day all to ourselves with no visitors or family. It was nice and needed! We love our family... but hadn't had a chance to just relax at home for a whole day. We really didn't do much, but having Brynn around makes everything more fun. We are going to the Wild game tonight, and it will be Brynn's 2nd time going. I hope she does well again! Lately she has been getting fussy in the evening.

Here is a video of Brynn :)