12 Weeks and Counting.

12 weeks 4 days.  I'm just about a week away from the second trimester!  Hard to believe but glad... Because I'm hoping this nausea is on it's way out.  I'm so sick of feeling hungover but not having the fun that comes before it :)  however, I am so glad I am experiencing it because I am carrying a healthy baby.

So here is where I am at mentally... We will see if you stay with me.  I'm a freak.  I always refer to myself as that.  I just can't win.  I have had nothing but great news during this 4th pregnancy.  I had my Nuchal Translucensy (NT) scan this week.  This test measures the percentage/ chance of baby being born with any chromosomal abnormalities-- such as Down syndrome and spina bifida.  Measurements and blood tests all came back normal... Which is so great!  However, I feel guilty.  WHAT?!  I know that's messed up.  This is my 4th time being pregnant... Hopefully second living child... Yet I feel guilty everything is going well.  I guess this comes from friends who have babies with health issues/ have a hard time conceiving.... And the guilt comes.  I'm blessed with Brynn.  Am I being selfish by wanting and being blessed with hopefully a second baby??  I know.  I told you I'm a freak.  I know it's irrational, I get that.  I just can't help but have those thoughts.

Ok... Now that is off my chest.  Onto pregnancy related stuff.   I think I am showing.  I feel like I just look like I ate too many egg mcmuffins, but friends try to convince me it looks like a baby bump :) my appetite has been weird.  More just hungry, but not a lot sounds good.  I've been tired still.  Other than that... Not really many cravings.

Brynn is getting more excited about being a big sister.  She will be such a huge help.  She has been sleeping better so that hopefully continues-- because the thought of her not sleeping well and a newborn, yikes.  I just should leave every night because when Dan puts her to bed she's an angel.  Me- not a chance.  Tonight I pretended I was leaving and Dan put her to bed... Not a peep!  When it's me she calls me every 5 min for a drink, she dropped something, she needs covers, etc.  Amazing how early they figure that stuff out.

My next appt is May 21.  I'll get to find out the gender :). I'll be 16 weeks.  I will be getting an ultrasound every 4 weeks throughout my pregnancy due to my history.  I'm not complaining :)  I already know I'm having a girl though... And would have to be convinced otherwise!

Here is a pic from my last ultrasound

Here are some pics of us on Easter... We didn't get a family pic.  Oh, and PS, this weather is going to be terrible this week. Dreading it.

Beautiful Sound

When I was pregnant with Brynn, I bought a doppler.  I needed the reassurance baby was ok before she was big enough for me to feel moving.  I broke it out this week and was able to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time!! :)

This last week, friends, co-workers, and my students were made aware of my pregnancy.  I think the fact this is the 4th time I have been pregnant... is making it so I am showing already.  I feel like I look about 16 weeks pregnant instead of 10!  Oh well.... people have even had the courage to ask when I am due without having known for sure I was pregnant!  SO at least it must look like baby belly.

My students are so funny.  They are 13-14 year old 8th graders, so their reactions are priceless.  I decided to just tell my 2nd hour since they are the kiddos I kept having to leave to go to my appts.  I figured once I told them, it would spread like wild fire.  It did.  Every kid has an opinion on a name (most commonly suggested is their own name, and even followed by Jr.  They obviously don't know what Jr. means!)  They have opinions on if it is a boy or girl.  Some even ask questions such as "did you want to have a baby" or "will you breast feed or bottle feed?"  It truly is never dull teaching 8th grade.  It has allowed me to open up a bit more about my pregnancy struggles.  When they are asking questions, sometimes it comes up this is my 4th time being pregnant and I only have 1 living child.... hopefully soon-to-be 2!  They are so sympathetic when they hear that and concerned.  It is so sweet.

Week 10:  I feel like I have a bit more energy.  Still nauseous.  I LOVE Coffee and Diet Coke, and neither have been extremely appetizing to me this trimester.  I hope that changes because I miss them!  My face doesn't seem to be as broken out as it had been... so hopefully that continues.  Hormones and my face don't mix well :)  My gut is still telling me girl.  I really hope we find out before the end of the school year because my students will want to know!

I think I will post a belly pic the next blog entry.

Blogs are funny.  I love reading people's-- because they may be funny, I may relate to them, or just to see a little personal look into someone's life.  I have a hard time though thinking about the number of you who read this and are interested in MY story.  I am doing this in case someone stumbles upon it while doing google searches on pregnancy loss, a way for me to heal through my struggles but also be excited about triumphs, and just so I have a documented journey through all of this.  I think it will be great to share with my kids someday!

4th Time's a Charm?

Ok.  So I said I was going to be an open book.  I said as soon as I peed on a stick and got a positive I would blog the journey from day 1.  Funny how when these things actually happen... One changes their mind.  

You see, when I get pregnant, it doesn't seem real.  I don't believe it.  I can't believe it because if I do, it makes it real, and that is scary.  Then feelings are involved and I get attached.  Sharing the news of being pregnant after a loss... It's weird and uncomfortable and awkward.  I wish somehow people would just know... Yet I can't wait until I'm really far along because I'm self conscious about my body and people looking at me and thinking "she's getting fat."

So you're wondering... What is she getting at?  Is she pregnant?  Yes.  I am. Cautiously but starting to believe.  I have known I am pregnant for about 6 weeks... And today I am 10 weeks pregnant.  I have seen our baby already 3 times via ultrasound, with its heart beating 175 bpm.  My clinic is fantastic and so supportive of me and my crazy nerves and anxiety.  It helps so much.

Baby Babich is due Novemeber 5--- right after soccer season :) it ended up being good timing.  Now that the cat is out of the bag... I'll be on here more blogging.

How have I felt weeks 4-10?  Sick.  Nauseous.  I feel even sicker this time then I did with Brynn.  I am convinced already it's another girl :)

So... Now you all can officially begin this journey with me.  I know it won't be easy all the time... and my craziness will make an appearance now and then.  But with the support of my awesome family, amazing friends, and such and understanding and supportive ob clinic... I know we can do this!

This is a pic of my latest ultrasound!