Body Image.

So, last night I just looked at myself in the mirror.... and as my body is changing, I am having a difficult time. I don't think of myself as a vain person at all. I have always been an athlete, and active, and comfortable in my body. I have no idea if this is a normal thing women women have a hard time with... but I am. I am scared of never having the same body.... stretch marks, veins appearing and not going away, will I ever be confident about my body again?

Then I remind myself it is obviously worth it. I already love this baby girl so much, and she is so wanted by Dan and I. However, Dan is still my husband, and I want him to be attracted to me after the baby arrives. Will he be? Will it be different? I hope not. I hope that doesn't come across as being weird... but it has been on my mind lately.

Onto a ligter note... Dan felt the baby move on Thursday night! It was so great! It was an emotional moment, and very cool for me to see him experience it... since I get to feel her all the time. Then last night, I was watching my belly while laying in bed (this is when she tends to be the most active), I could actually see my belly move! :o) I just can't wait to meet her.

Emotional.

So, tomorrow I will be 19 weeks. I was exactly 19 weeks when I had my anatomy scan with Elizabeth and found out everything, 19 weeks 5 days when I deleivered her. Needless to say, I am having a tough/ emotional week. Is it possible that my pregnancy is going to continue? I am feeling the baby move... but again, felt all that last time. Argh. I know many people don't understand. I don't even think Dan understands. On top of worrying about this baby, I have thought about Elizabeth a lot more this week too.... since like I said, I am at the point to where I was with her.

Soccer started about a week ago. It is funny. I didn't think I would be tired... thought it would be just fine. Ha. Was I wrong. I like being independant, and active, so it is different for me to get so tired, not want to bend over, my back and hips hurting. Yikes. I keep saying to Dan, I am worried about when school starts. I am going to be SO TIRED. I am always tired when school starts, add pregnancy on top of it with soccer.... oh boy. It is only through September though. I can handle it.

Let's see.... other than the rough week I have been having, just looking forward to the fair and hopefully the end of the humidity. It has been such a horrible summer for humidity. Hopefully it is better next. I have bought some really cute outfits for baby girl, but refuse to buy big stuff until after our 20 week ultrasound which will be on Friday, Sept. 3. Dan took the day off :) and we will be heading to the state fair that day. I pray for continued good news. Dan said after our last ultrasound he is just waiting for bad news, since we have had such good news this far. It just stinks that we have those thoughts. I really hope we have another great Dr. appt on that day.

What will the second half of my pregnancy be like? Will I be able to relax a little bit more since I will have surpassed my loss date? I hope so. I am looking forward to experiencing that part of pregnancy I wasn't able to before.

I will try to get some belly pics up tonight or tomorrow... I have definitly popped.

16 Week Ultrasound and Blood Test

Friday Dan and I had an appt for our 16 week ultrasound and the second blood draw to test for genetic abnormalities. I was nervous, but not as nervous as my 11 week check. I had seen the baby a few times now, so I had a good feeling everything was going well. I was anxious about seeing a healthy baby, but also about the possibility of finding out the gender. Dan had no idea what he thought the baby was, I KNEW it had to be a girl... so we were hoping to find out.

We got into the ultrasound room, and one of the first shots that went up on the screen was the shot that showed us the sex. Immediatly I yell "It's a Girl!!" Dan looks at me like I am crazy, and the ultrasound tech asks "Do you even need me here? Do you want to take over?" We were laughing. So yes, I was right, my instincts were right, and Dan and I have a healthy baby girl on the way!! Everything looked great. It is amazing what they can see already at a little over 16weeks! Doctor came in too and took a good look, and everything was fantastic. We were just thrilled!






After the ultrasound, I had my second blood draw to check again for odds of our baby being born with Spina Bifida, Down Syndrome, and Trisomy 18. I wasn't as nervous this time since the first draw came back so good. I got the call today from Mary Ann, our genetic counselor, and she said our baby is a rockstar! All of the tests came back the lowest they possibly can go! The lab gives odds no lower than 1:10,000for DS and tris 18, and that is what the odds are. For spina bifida, lowest odds they give are 1:6000, and that is what our odds are too! SUCH good news. This is so crazy that we keep getting all this good news. I went out shopping for clothes this weekend, and feel weird about it. It is still kind of hard for me to believe we are actually going to bring home a baby... but I am beginning to believe it.

Baby has been SO active today. Feeling her move like crazy. Dan and I have no names set yet, and we struggle agreeing! We will see how long it takes us to decide! :)

Brad Paisley - Anything Like Me (Lyrics)

I just had to post this tonight. I heard this tonight on my way to meet the girls for dinner, and it brought me to tears. Good tears. With us having our ultrasound tomorrow, and looking specifically for the banding that we had with Elizabeth, it was almost like a good sign for me to hear this. The day before we had our ultrasound with Elizabeth, I had a moment in the car where I was a mess and was sobbing, knowing we were going to get bad news. Today, hearing this, brought a peace over me. I got a GOOD feeling about tomorrow... that we will see a healthy baby on the screen. Of course, also hoping to know if it is a little girl or boy, but most importantly healthy. I want to end this post with Psalm 121:

I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.