Anxiety

New school year brings a lot of changes.  New students, new soccer season, new routines.  With all that change, anxiety comes at me full force.  For me, change is a trigger.  Every school year-  a new trimester- I am anxious.  For some reason, I just can't completely kick this feeling.  Normally 3 weeks into the school year, my anxiety would have leveled out.  Right now, as I am typing this, it is in full force.  Many who don't experience anxiety probably don't understand.  Why are you anxious?  What is causing it?  That is the thing... it doesn't have to be anything.  I try to pin point the cause, but when I think I do- something completely different will trigger it.  I hate that I am on edge right now.  I hate that I feel like I want to isolate myself.  I hate that I feel like I am distancing myself from my husband- not because I want to- but because it is how my body is responding to the anxiety.

Why am I updating my blog now?  Well... I really want to continue it because of the amount of people who have reached out to me saying it has helped them through something- also because I have become terrible at documenting things in the girls lives- at least I can continue here and the girls can read about it some day.  What is my solution to the anxiety going to be?  I think I need to make a Dr. appt.  I hate to think I need to increase my meds- not sure if that is an option- but I need to get this under control.  All of my energy is being used on my students, and I want to have energy to be involved with my family at home.

If you have never dealt with anxiety- I can't even imagine that- you are so lucky.  If you never have dealt with anxiety yourself but care about someone who does- we know a lot of times the things we worry about is irrational.  That is what anxiety is.  Telling us it is dumb to worry about something will not help or stop us from it- we know a lot of the time it is irrational.  Just being there- showing your support and you care- and listening- that is what helps in the moments we need it most.

In other news- the school year has been so great- we are off to a great start and I love my students.  Soccer season is also off to a great start- and we are having fun!  Brynnie LOVES school- and hasn't skipped a beat.  Ella is starting to talk a lot more- and her personality is really starting to show.  She loves playing with baby dolls, loves books, loves being outside, and loves copying her big sister.  I had a weekend off of soccer and it was so nice yesterday to just spend time with the girls- I am looking forward to also doing that today.

Until next time....