Brynn's Birthday

Man- I have thought about updating SO MANY times.  Poor Ella.  Brynn will have her baby book and the blog... I have barely done either for Ella!  Those poor second children :)

I have SO MUCH to do tonight as I am leaving for AZ on Wednesday... but feel as though I needed to write tonight.  6 years ago, I had my ultrasound with Elizabeth.  Yes, her birthday is on Saturday, but this is the day that rocked me like no other.  January 11, 2010, was the worst day of my life.  To have such mixed feelings on Brynn's birthday is really hard.  I have been really happy celebrating Brynn-- she was my first take home baby, something I thought would never happen after losing Elizabeth.  However, I was also heartbroken on this same day.  I feel as though writing about Elizabeth is my way to make sure she knows I have not forgotten her.  I think of her often, but do even more today.  She made me a mom for the first time, and as sit here tonight I am sad thinking about the loss.  I still wonder what would have been, not as often, because I wouldn't have my Brynnie, but she would be almost 6 and in Kindergarten.  I love you baby girl!

AND then there is my next baby-- Miss Brynn.  She is FIVE!!!  I have a hard time thinking I am old enough to have a daughter that old.  And to think school next year???  She is so ready.  She is really enjoying skating-- ballet begins this week, too.  We have taken a break from gymnastics for her to try ballet, so we shall see how that goes.  She is super girly, yet loves her sports and hiking and exploring with dad.  She is really sensitive, caring, and bubbly.  Always on the go -- loves to play games and coloring.  I feel so lucky to be her mom.

And then there is my Ella Bella.  She is still just the happiest little girl!  She is beginning to say a lot more words.  Loves her sissy, to dance, books, and being chased!  She loves to run around and squeal :)  She will eat everything and anything- which we always make sure to show Brynn since Brynn is not like that.  Both girls just make my heart so full.

I feel like I am always writing the same things about Elizabeth.  I don't have anything groundbreaking to say about my time with her or the feelings I have.  I just hurt and ache for her today.  And like I said, I struggle with that since it is also Brynn's birthday, and I am so happy I have Brynn in my life.  Funny how life works and those feelings mess with you.  I do know, both girls will know they have a sister in heaven.  Brynn is well aware of it and talks about her a lot.