Dirty Floors

How do I have a 9 month old?!  She does not stop moving!  I really can tell how bad my kitchen floor needs to be scrubbed-- hence the blog title today-- because her knees/ feet show it!

What is new with Ella?  She has FOUR TEETH.  Both girls got 2 at a time... and I am happy to say we survived her top 2 coming in at the same time.  Not without a lot of waking up at night!  She is pulling herself up any chance she gets... so we are at the stage where bumps on her head are happening!  We also have to be careful of what is on the floor (harder now with a 4 year old!) because everything goes in that girls mouth!  She enjoys her meals, and takes a bottle (unlike her older sister) like a champ!  This has been so nice-- and I have been able to leave the house way more with her than I ever did with Brynn-- I suppose being a second time mom helps, too :)

Let's talk Brynn.  Man.  She is something.  She seriously is the most amazing little 4 year old.  She has been such a big help since having Ella... she can't get enough of her!  I LOVE the age she is while having a little one because she can help so much!  Brynn loves swimming, reading her books, playing soccer, gymnastics, playing outside, and just loving on everyone!  She is super excited about being in the pre-k class this fall, and not needing to nap :)  It is hard to believe we only have one more year before she is in school.

As far as me... I can't believe how fast time goes.  I know we all say it.  Soccer starts in a month and I have no idea how we got here!  I feel so blessed to have had the time off- thanks to Jamberry and my hard working hubby!  I have mixed feelings about going back.  Even though I have been working while at home-- it isn't satisfying like teaching.  I have missed seeing the light bulbs go off when a student finally gets something.  I have missed seeing how excited they get when talking about space or doing a lab they love.  I have missed smiles on their faces when they get a test back and they did well on it and they just light up.  I have missed my coworkers who are friends.  And I have missed the former students coming to my room to visit, check in, and say hi.  As difficult as it will be leaving the girls, and getting up early again (ugh), there really is nothing that compares to those feelings that working with kids give you.  These are the moments I need to remind myself of when I am frustrated at work and am having a bad day.

Dan and I will be heading to Boston for his cousins wedding!  I am SO excited to celebrate with them and family-- and so excited to go on vk with Dan.  It has been 5 years.  We will be bringing Ella, and leaving Brynn.  I am hoping she does ok!  She did great when I went to Denver, but she was much younger!  Flying with a little girl who only wants to go, go, go will be tough!  She is pretty easy going so I think she will be great-- and we are done with teething for a bit (I hope) so she shouldn't be affected by that!  Hoping we have warm weather- but not crazy hot :)

I will leave you with a few pics from our Family Photo Shoot from our good friends, The Beyer's! <3 p="">

Just Thinking.

It is funny.  Thinking about Elizabeth is what usually prompts a blog entry.  This blog started because of her, and it continues because of her.  I kind of love that.

Elizabeth, or Ellie as we would have called her, would be turning 5 this June.  She would have been starting Kindergarten in the fall.  I often find myself pondering about what her personality would have been like.  Spunky like Brynn?  Independent?  Quirky?  I then also think about my life had she lived, because Brynn wouldn't be here.  It is one of those weird conundrums... Just thinking about my girl this morning.

Ella is getting super mobile!  She keeps popping up on her hands and knees-- I know it is just a matter of time!  She is army crawling all over.  I have to be careful about what is on the floor now :)  She has sprouted both her bottom teeth -- same way Brynn did -- together and at the same age!  She is giggling a lot more, and just adores her big sister.  Brynn can make her laugh like no one else... and I love watching it.

Ella is liking some solids.  I feel so clueless still about starting them.  She is eating one solid meal a day-- some not at all-- and enjoys her time with us at the dinner table.

We just spent a weekend up on Lake Vermilion for Memorial Day- it was fun!  Beautiful weather and both girls were great.  We are heading up again to my all-time fav city- Nisswa this weekend.  Dan will have officially been up north every weekend during the month of May-- he is in heaven!

Today is the last day of school for SSP kids.  I LOVE that we started early and are getting out before June.  I wish we could do this every year.  It is funny, typically I would be so happy about the LONG summer I have ahead of me.  However, considering I have not been at work since October 6, I am thinking about how little time I have left.  It truly is bittersweet.  I have LOVED my time at home-- but miss my co-workers SO MUCH and the interaction with them, as well as the kids!  What don't I miss?  The paperwork and the exhaustion that goes along with it.

It is a bizarre thought that Brynn has only 1 more year before Kindergarten herself.  It is crazy how much thought I already have been putting in about where she should go.  It seems like a huge decision!  Which I know it is a big one, but she has a lot of good options :)

Here are some pics of our gorgeous weekend at Vermilion!

Ella is 6 Months!

Wow-- I really stink at updating this.  I think about doing it a LOT... and it gets put at the bottom of my to-do list!  Ella's stats:  She is in the 55% for weight, 90% for length (no surprise), and 95% for head (Def Murphy head!).  Comparing her stats to Brynn... they are very similar.  Ella's stats are adjusted for her being born at 37 weeks.

What are Ella's new tricks?  She can sit unassisted for quite some time before she falls over.  She rolls over both ways a LOT.  She is the happiest baby I have ever seen.  Seriously.  {knock on wood}  She just goes with the flow.  Her smile is so contagious and I hope this gives us a look into her personality!

I have tried giving her sweet potatoes-- she is not too thrilled.  I am in no hurry either because just nursing her, it is way too convenient :)  I will try to more consistently this week.

One of the BEST things about Ella-- is seeing her and Brynn interact.  There is nothing better.  They both light up when they see each other.  It is amazing and just makes me melt.  Brynn still refers to her as her "new baby sister" -- it is so cute.

I have been going back and forth between feeling sad that we are done with babies, to feeling ok about it.  I have 3 siblings, and when we all are getting along :) , it is super fun-- family gatherings, holidays, it is loud and I love it.  Thinking about only having 2 kids, that is so different.  It will allow us to be able to travel and do things that we weren't able to do as kids, and I love that.  I have 2 healthy babies, and I love that.  It just is a strange feeling thinking we are done.  Packing up clothes and the swing as Ella outgrows it, it makes me sad thinking we will never use them again.  But, then I ask myself, even if we have another one, would I still feel like that?  Is it sad no matter when it happens?  I just wish that Dan and I could at least discuss it-- but he is so anti 3 kids, so I just feel like it is something that I can't even think about.  While I was pregnant with Ella-- I told everyone nope, we are for sure done.  This is it.  I think I really was trying to convince myself that it really was it.  I always imagined having a large family... I wanted 4 babies.  But, my body thinks otherwise.  I suppose I do have 4 babies.  Only 2 are living with us now.  Anyway... just being transparent and thinking out loud.  We are done.  I am 97% sure of that.

As far as other things in life... My maternity leave has gone so fast-- I think it is because Jamberry has just blown up.  Let me just say, before I decided to take the leap-- I NEVER even thought about doing anything like this.  Jamberry was different to me though.  It was new, it is a non-expensive product, it is super fun to have your nails done-- and I NEVER did because it was expensive to get manis all the time, and dang nail polish chipped or I was interrupted while doing them and they would get smudged!  Dan only wanted me to take 3 months off of work for maternity leave-- that broke my heart.  I wanted to so badly take at least 4-- and if somehow possible, the rest of the school year.  I thought, hell, if this can give me an extra month of maternity leave... I will give it a shot.  I began in May of last year... and Dan said if I earned $4,000 by December... I could take an extra month off.  Well-- I surpassed my goal!  I feel so blessed to have gotten all this time off.  Jamberry has also given me something to do besides being a mom during my leave :)  AND the friendships I have made... it is awesome.  I have friends all across the country now-- which means places to travel to! :)  Anyway-- I try to not plaster my Jamberry stuff on my personal FB page, because I know how annoying it is when people do that.  I also wont talk about it a lot here, because that isn't what this blog is meant for.  However, it is a big part of my life-- and has allowed me to spend time with my babies, and for that I am forever grateful.  I truly just like spreading the love because I would love everyone I care about to have this blessing and financial freedom <3 p="">
I am really looking forward to soccer season.  I miss the girls SO MUCH when I am not with them!  They are so much fun and I feel like they keep me young!

I am hoping to get some stuff updated around the house before I go back to work in August-- we will see!  Brynn is a busy bee-- but I am hoping once it is finally consistent summer weather, she will be outside a lot which will allow me to paint and get things done.

Here are some pictures --                   Ella- 6 months old!

                                                       
                                                       Brynn at Gymnastics!

                                            Brynnie and Ella :)

                                                         Me and Ella in Denver

                                             Loving her toes!

A Lot on my Mind

I have no idea how long this post is going to be.  I don't know why I just don't post more, and make them shorter.  I open up to start typing, but then decide not to.  I know this blog is more for me, but I also know a lot of you read this so I often think "why would anyone care?"  Well, you might not... but my thoughts may help someone :)  As I know they have.  I do want to give you all a heads up I have a photo of my Elizabeth in this post.  I don't want to trigger anything without giving you fair warning.

Let's start with Ella.  My heart is so full everyday.  Ella is such a doll, and between her and Brynn, I thank God daily.  I am so blessed and can't believe I am fortunate enough to be a mom to them.  I know it will get even deeper as Ella starts showing her personality... and her and Brynn begin playing with each other.

Ella is cooing and smiling a ton, and has rolled over from tummy to back.  She is super strong-- always wanting to sit up.  She is starting to drool a ton, so teething I think is going to be starting!  She likes her nuk, which Brynn never used, so we will see if that continues.  That will be new territory for us!

My maternity leave is up on March 16.... can't believe that is 2 months away.  However, I have been fortunate to be able to request an extension to my leave... and have requested to take off the rest of the school year!!  It hasn't been board approved yet, but hopeful it will be!  I so miss the routine and my co-workers... but am SO looking forward to enjoying this time with Ella and Brynn... because it goes so fast, and it will  be the last time going through it.  Between Jamberry taking off for me, and my budget master husband.... this is what is allowing me to take all this time off.  We may not get to buy fancy things, or go on vacations, or remodel parts of our 80s home, but that time will come eventually.  I would rather have this time with my kiddos :)

The week of Brynn's birthday is always emotional-- this year it was more so than ever.  Brynn has always known about Elizabeth.  We talk about her.  We include her in conversations.  Brynn is now getting to the age where she asks a lot of questions about her.  She tells me she misses her a lot.  (She also tells me she misses Jesus when we tell her Elizabeth is with Jesus).  I have Elizabeth's footprints in a heart mold on my dresser, and Brynn knows they are hers, and often likes to touch them.

January 16 was 5 years since Elizabeth's birth.  I have such a hard time believing that.  Time is so strange.  The time leading up to my Jan 11 ultrasound in 2010 seemed to take forever.  The time of healing and until I was pregnant with Brynn seemed to take forever.  My pregnancy with Brynn seemed to take forever.  The time we were trying to get pregnant after Brynn seemed to take forever.  Yet, the last 5 years have flown by.  How is that possible?  I knew I had a disc of pictures from the day of Elizabeth's birth.  They were in my sock drawer.  I had been thinking that I would look at them on her birthday-- I hadn't looked at her pictures since right after she was born.  Brynn really wanted to see her sister, so i decided she could look at her pictures with me.

It is amazing what time does-- to your memories-- how your mind knows to block things out to protect your heart, and to help you get through awful times.  When I was looking at her pictures, I forgot how red she looked.  How teeny tiny she looked.  I was 20 weeks pregnant, so she was just about a pound.  How perfect her feet and hands looked.  How the hat the hospital put on her drowned her, since she was so tiny. It also made it real again.  It is so strange going through something like this.  I often find myself thinking "it wasn't a big deal.  I was only 20 weeks pregnant.   Some women carry to full term and go through this.  Some people have been through worse."  WHy do I do that?  I again think its a way my mind protects itself.  These pictures made it real again, and made those feelings I had come to the surface.  I have been feeling not-myself since her birthday, just sad.  I think it is because some of those feelings have re-surfaced.  I also have found myself getting angry at things people say about pregnancy, and birth.  Having a child is such a blessing, and I just think some people take it for granted.  I had always wanted 3-4 kids, and now will be having 2 because of my history.  I am ok with that, and SO thankful for 2 perfect, healthy kids.  I feel selfish sometimes for having 2.


I realized I never posted a picture of Elizabeth.  I decided now is the time to introduce the world to her.  I chose one of my most favorite pictures of her.  Her little feet with our hands.